The Perfect Life

I kind of had this low key Epiphone recently and I figured I’d write about it. If someone were to ask you to paint a picture for them of your perfect life, what would you say? What does A Perfect Life look like to you? (Serious question for anyone who cares to answer. Feel free to comment.)

I thought for a while about this. I realized that at this stage in my life, being who I am now, I believe a perfect life can look like a lot of different things. There’s no one type of perfect life. You can make something perfect out of all kinds of circumstances.

At the center of it all, at the foundation, the bare bones for me would be good relationships. A husband and wife who feel comfortable with each other, supported by each other, who feel free to be themselves without harsh judgement. A couple who has the qualities of understanding, patience, appreciation of the other, always trying to see from the other’s viewpoint. A couple who knows how to communicate and cooperate and work as a team. This doesn’t mean they don’t have disagreements or even downright nasty fights that last for weeks. It just means that they have some tools they know how to use to get back to a place of understanding and acceptance of each other. Maybe they learn these tools on their own, maybe through advice of friends and family and mentors, and maybe through professional therapy. All equally valid and respectable routes.

My perfect life also looks like kids who love each other and support and protect each other. And this takes time! The journey towards that goal -most likely reached in adulthood- is also a beautiful process. The steps along the way -the grabbing and the pushing and the shoving and the crying, the new sibling blues, the Me Me Me syndrome, the sibling rivalry- they’re necessary and we don’t need to be afraid of them. That’s where they learn. Altercations are not a sign that anything is wrong. People need to have experiences in order to know how to compromise, cooperate, correct their mistakes. How to reach out for help and how to lend a helping hand to another. That’s all a part of life.

If I could confidently say I have those two things, that would be Heaven on Earth. That’s true happiness. Now, those are the important things. The rest is details! I’d love a big, new, clean brick house with hardwood floors – not really that big, though, actually. 4 bedrooms or maybe 5 max. Couple bathrooms. A big yard! I want a little garden with tomatoes, potatoes, zucchini, cucumbers. I want to raise chickens. I want a little rose garden. A safe neighborhood. A good school system for my kids would be great! I’m trying not to be too picky because a Wise Man told me you can’t have everything. I think he’s right. I’m reminded of this awesome quote I used to love when I was in college: “If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” – Lemony Snicket (of all people)! I feel like we could also transpose this to “If we wait until it’s perfect, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”

So, my conclusion is that if I go by what I just described as the foundation of a perfect life, if I’m really honest, I’m pretty close. Ask me again how I feel next week! Lord knows how moody I am. But seriously, all things considered, I almost have a perfect life. Almost. 😉

The Husband

Oh, the husband. How we’ve grown and learned and molded each other over the last 6 years. I’m pretty sure we don’t have a typical relationship. But then again, what exactly is a typical relationship?

Anyway, I consider us unique. First of all, we are from two very different cultures. He is Korean. He was born in South Korea and moved here when he was 16 or 17 (forgive me – my brain is failing me at this time of night), but is still very much Korean at heart. I consider myself American, as I was born here in the U.S., though my mother is of European descent and my father is Chinese.

We had an arranged marriage. Oooooooh. What’s that like? Well, it actually doesn’t feel much different than a marriage that’s not arranged. We talk, we play, we fight, we love each other. We may have started out a little “unconventionally” according to our society, but we deal with the same emotions, challenges, breakthroughs, and joys as pretty much every other couple in the world. Our parents knew each other (as did we, but just barely) and we all attend the same church, so that’s where the ever mysterious adventure started.

If I could use only a handful of adjectives to describe my husband, I would say he is patient, forgiving, hard working, and kind. He works about 24 hours a day, pausing only for bathroom breaks and meals. He tries to spend as much family time as he can on weekends, which I appreciate more than I voice (sorry, babe!). He has responded with love and understanding in countless situations in which I felt all I deserved was anger and accusation. I feel like he’s exactly the type of person I need. I can say with certainty that in my 20 years of life, I had never before met any man (or any person for that matter) like him. Since then, he has helped me realize a lot of things about who I really am and who I really want to be. I can’t speak for him, but I’m pretty sure I’ve taught him a thing or two too 😉

The number one thing for which I’m thankful to him is our children. Rambunctious, bright 3 year old and cheerful, curious 1 year old. He’s the kind of guy that you can just tell was meant to be a father. It becomes him. It looks good (dare I say amazing?) on him. It brings out all the awesome qualities (okay, most. No one’s perfect.) I always hoped he’d possess. Now, if only we could once in a while slow everything down for 2 seconds to whisper sweet nothings to each other without little squirts pulling at our legs and tossing fresh laundry around the apartment… Guess you can’t have everything 😉