14 Pieces of Advice from Diane: Sage, Prophet, Intellectual, and Overall Genius

I wrote something for you guys. Just to help you out a little in life. And it goes something like this:

1. Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. (Ok, ok, I stole this one off the Internet. But it’s so profound! Thank you, Oscar Wilde.)

2. If you want to learn a language, marry a man whose mother ONLY speaks that language and live with her for the first year or two of your marriage.

3. If you have sweaty armpits (like me), never wear gray shirts. Better yet, stick to sleeveless shirts.

4. Speaking of armpits, baking soda is THE best deodorant. Pat a little on and Voila! Odor, be gone!

5. Don’t cry right before bed unless you enjoy unseemly puffy eyes that hardly open in the morning.

6. Sometimes you just have to find the way to not CARE. You can’t let every thoughtless, snide comment (about your looks, your cooking, how you’re living your life) and random rude behavior from strangers (or people you know very well!) bring you down. If at all possible, don’t even react. Let it go. Becoming a mom has made this very easy for me. I simply do not have the energy to get bent out of shape over every disappointment thrown my way. Let those annoying instances slide right off your back. They are not worth ruining your day over. That person does not deserve to have that power over you. The reality is that that person is probably having a terrible day (or terrible life?) and just doesn’t know any better than to bring people down with him/her.

7. If you want to learn true patience, have children.

8. While I’m at it, if you want to have every last limit tested and button pushed, and be brought to the point of really questioning your resolve, intelligence, decision making abilities, and competence over all, have children (bonus for multiple children!).

9. A final one just to be fair: If you want to discover just how much love you are actually capable of, have children.

10. Be more efficient: to answer calls while washing dishes, tap the receive button with your nose.

11. Don’t sleep with wet hair unless you want to catch a cold (at the very least, put a towel under your head).

12. Have zero expectations. That way, you are never disappointed.

13. Wear that dress you’ve been saving for a special occasion. What if that occasion never comes?

14. Don’t type out blog posts on your phone. This is unnecessarily time consuming and rather frustrating (fix your bugs, please, WordPress app!)

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